


you lost your mind in the sound

by nonbinarynino



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Drabble, Lance does not actually appear, Minor Allura/Lance (Voltron), Missing Scene, Multi, S8 spoilers, They're in love but it's not from her POV so I'm tagging it as minor, keith is self sacrificing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 14:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16996620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinarynino/pseuds/nonbinarynino
Summary: Keith bites his tongue to keep from saying something that would cross too many lines, (like "what, are you rubbing it in my face?" or "yeah, he's been in love with you forever, no fucking shit,") but it only stops the worst of them. After a moment, he says: "Is there a point to this?"





	you lost your mind in the sound

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't going to post this bc i thought it made allura's death too much about klance but i had the thought in my head and it wouldn't leave.
> 
> if you check me out on tumblr @nonbinarynino i've been inconsolable about allura's death all day. i'm going to write her something good soon, with the happy ending that she deserved. because she truly, truly did.

"I ... care for Lance," Allura says, gentle, a hand touching his shoulder so lightly that he can barely feel it. She must know what impact that the words will have on Keith, because she says them as if they're something that needs to be treated with great respect. "That's no secret, is it?"

No matter how careful she'd been, he still feels something lodge in his throat, tight and blistering and miserable. He supposes that there's no way to dance around the subject, no matter how many soft touches and even softer words are uttered. "No, it's not," Keith says, and, fleetingly, wonders why the hell Allura would go to him about this. He's obviously the one the most affected by a conversation about Allura and Lance's apparent romance. "He cares for you, too, but you've known that forever, haven't you?" The words come out sharper than he intends, bitter in a way that he never meant to be - it's not her fault, never has been. He's had his anger issues flare up sometimes, sure, but he's never been the type to blame someone for feelings that they do or don't have.

Allura only huffs a breath of air that's not quite a laugh, but almost, though there is clearly no amusement in it. "Yes, I have," she says. "You care for him, too. That's as obvious as his own feelings for me."

Keith bites his tongue to keep from saying something that would cross too many lines, (like "what, are you rubbing it in my face?" or "yeah, he's been in love with you forever, no fucking shit,") but it only stops the worst of them. After a moment, he says: "Is there a point to this?"

"Yes," Allura says, and there's something dark underneath her tone, too, regardless of how obviously she is trying to keep it casual. "Believe it or not, I am not actually evil."

He flinches. "I never meant to-"

"I know, Keith. Don't worry yourself too much about it." She pauses, then, and Keith wonders if she's contemplating the times that the two of them have argued: from the reveal of his heritage to as soon as being stranded in space, linked arm-in-arm. A negative emotion that he cannot quite identify stabs him in the stomach, somewhere in between guilt and grief. Grieving for what, he doesn't really know.

He's so wrapped up in his own thoughts that the sound of Allura's voice makes him flinch. "I... frequently make decisions that do not solely affect myself," she says, and it's so off topic that Keith scrambles to figure out what jump in conversation he missed. "As a paladin, a princess, a pilot. I don't mean to speak to you as though you are not familiar with important decisions, because I know that you are. More so than any of the others, I would think."

Keith hums, slow and affirmative. He resists the urge to drum his fingers in his lap, not wanting to display how anxious he truly is. He's never truly talked to anybody about his... feelings. He's never told anybody about the way that Lance looks when the sun is setting and shining in his hair, never told anybody about the way that Keith will stumble so hard with words that he ends up saying something angry. Shiro must know, at this point, but never mentions it, only gives Keith sad smiles every now and then. "Okay," he says, mainly to get her to continue speaking.

"These decisions... often are at a cost to ourselves, yes?"

("Maybe not with our weapons" and closing his eyes to brace for the impact, the fear in his soul replaced with steady, heartbreaking determination-)

"Yes." He's not sure if he'd risk it all again, even though he tells himself that it's the right thing to do. (Or maybe it's the other way around, and he's not sure that he'd stick around, even if it was the wrong thing to do.)

"What I am trying to say, Keith, is that we all lead dangerous lives. And... I can do nothing to ensure that I will be around forever. Nor can you, or Shiro, or Lance. So... if... something ever happens to me-"

"Allura, what are you-"

"Take care of him for me. Please. Take care of the boy - the  _man_ \- that we both love, okay?" Her tone turns desperate, and horribly, wickedly, Keith wonders if she has something planned. He searches her eyes for the answer, but he finds nothing. Her eyes are insistent and true, that much is clear. He's never been good enough at reading people to know if there's anything regarding pain laying beneath.

"I won't have to," Keith says. "You're not going anywhere, alright? Not until this war is over."

"Keith," she repeats, pleading - "you and I both know that we cannot make that promise."

He sighs and slumps back, burying his face into his shoulder. The mere thought of Allura dying is unforgivably painful. She has been their leader, their friend, their confidant - always there, even when the others left. They  _need_ her, relentlessly so, and, God, Keith doesn't even want to think about what the others would be like afterwards. Hunk, trying to pretend like he didn't spend all of his nights crying, Pidge, desperately trying to fix a situation that had no happy ending, and Lance, who always loved too hard and too much-

Keith swallows. "Of course," he says. "Of course I would, if it ever came down to that. But, Allura, you promise  _me_ that you won't put me in that situation. Not unless it's the only way." He hesitates, then, before adding, "hell, Allura, just tell me, and I'll make that sacrifice for you."

"I would never ask you that," she says, quieter than he's possibly ever heard her. Allura is polite, sure, but loud when she needs to be: unforgiving in the space that she requires, and he has always respected her for that. "We all do what we must. We all end our own battles."

And he knows, truly, what being in a cause bigger than you are can do to a person. Every minor choice has a large consequence. Not getting enough sleep is a failed mission. Saying the wrong word in a foreign planet is a jail sentence. He knows what it is like to think that his life, his happiness, is the least important thing there is. He knows.

"Sending a bunch of teenagers to space was a shitty idea," he says. "We all just fell in love with somebody. Isn't that stupid?"

"No," Allura says, "I don't think it is at all."

**Author's Note:**

> please no negative comments i'm 1 mean word away from an allura-induced breakdown


End file.
